Joke Achievements

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The following is a list of achievements that should be included in game, should mods ever get achievement support.


  • Deadbeat Teammate - TK esoj
  • Lazers! - Die by Laser Rifle 301478508975355 times
  • Playing with Blocks - Actively work to stack a team
  • Meaningless Title - get killed by a player with the name of Uukl;a7444///
  • Awesome-O 4000 - be Fuzzy, Teddy or Termi
  • Stickin' it to the Man - have your kills as punk be twice as high as your kills as corps for 5 rounds

Temporary dump of old achievement suggestions

goomba award (self explanatory) "There is an 'I' in 'Team'" (get every objective yourself)

Point whore (get over 100 points in a round)

Frag master (Get over 35 kills in one game)

/uninstall (give out 5 times the amount of points you earned in a round)

Nobody likes me (have a group vote where at least 8 people in a server voted to kick you)

nade award (kill 2 or more guys with a single nade)

tesla award (do over 300 damage with one tesla ball)

rocket award (see above)

Headshot award (get at least 25 headshots in a round)

Cyber award (deal out over 200 cyber damage without decking out)

Ninja (Kill 3 guys in less then one minute with katana)

Globe-trotter: Play a full round on all 'official' maps.

Jack of all trades: Play a full round with every weapon.

Handicap'd: Cap an objective using only the mp (no 'nades)

It slices, it dices: Play an entire round with only the Katana.

Poser: Had Cyberdeck the whole round, but didn't deck.

Home Security: Defend the first objective for an entire round. (on defense, dur!)

Unstoppable!: Win a map in under 5 minutes.

Lucky-shot: Kill a cold-suiter with thermals on.

Death 'nade: kill someone with a gl 'nade 'after' dying

Left 4 Dead: Be the "last man standing" on your team, and survive until they spawn.

I told you it was a good idea: Cortex someone as a heavy

Masochist: Play a round of Silo as punks without advancing past obj 1

Sam Fisher: Cap a JIP objective while stealthed

Party pooper: Kill 10 cortexers during their countdowns

I R AWSUM: Deal X damage during a round with boltgun, without scoring any direct hits

Denied!: Kill someone with an EMP grenade while they're jacked into an objective JIP.

Musical chairs: Recap an objective (as defense) 3 times in one round

You idiot!: On vaccine, get spawn before core D and lose the round afterwards

How's it Hangin?: Bolt someone's head to the wall.

Balls and Snakes: Win a round with best heavy, best medium, and best light awards

BlowBack- kill yourself with your own rocket while killing an opposing team member

boosterless- kill yourself from fall damage

Light man cant jump: Kill a non-decking light with legboosters

Point machine - Have at least 3x the rest of your team's total points in a 10+ man game at round finish.

Anti-Capitalist - Obtain 15 positive K:D ratios against Dystopia Supporters

Say Cheese! - Have the screen on your rocket launcher show your target right before he dies, while he is looking at you.

Heads Up! - Kill someone by hitting them with a grenade, without detonation.

Passion Of The Light - Pin a light by the hand to a wall.

Undertaker - Join in the middle of a round and be top scorer within 5 minutes.

Samurai Jack - Get 20 kill steals with the katana.

Stroking Your E.P - Deck out 3 deckers in one run with the shaft.

Undermine - Deck out an enemy decker with your Ice Mine.

?- Punch off a stealthers head without using thermals.

Its Raining Men! - Kill 10 players on the opposing team with the rocket launcher while they're in the air.

Lost My Chain of Thought... - Be part of a chain of people cortexing involving 4 or more players. (One cortex starts another, and so on and so on.)

More Fatties Than a Bakesale - Hold the first objective on Detonate with a team of entirely Heavies.

I'M FIRING MY LAZOR - Kill over 3 players on the opposing team with the laser in Fusion.

DENIED - Deck out an enemy decker by knocking them into the Green Ice with a projectile.

Be Vewy Vewy Quiet - Sneak past 4 or more enemy players and kill the decker with your Shotgun while Sound Suppresser is active.

Smile For the Camera - Have three or more players that you killed on your screen with the Rocket Launcher.

? - Kill 10 players with the electricity field in broadcast.

Don't Look Down - Drop four or more opposing players with the platforms in Silo.

THIS IS SPARTAA! - Knock another player down into the silo in Silo with a melee attack.

Were you raised in a barn?! - Let an opposing player into your spawn.

Would you like to play a game? - Kill 4 enemy players by capturing an objective and having the turrets kill them.

MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP! - Be in a situation where your SWT has its resonance ring completely covered.

The Prederator - Get 10 or more kills with the smartlocks while SWT and Thermals are both on.

I'M THE JUGGERNAUGHT - Get 5 kills all within 30 seconds with your phist.

Metal of Honor - Defend your deckers by yourself from 10 or more attackers as a Heavy.

End of Story - Get the last kill in a round within five seconds before the round ends.

Webmaster - Win a round as the defending team while being the only person to deck in on your team.

Geek Squad - Deck in with another decker within 10 seconds of another team mate calling for a decker.

With Friends Like these... - Make an opposing player teamkill while trying to kill you.

RAID - Destroy 5 spider mines right as they are deployed.

Group Hug! - Work together with three or more players to heal the entire team at once.

Dynamic Entry! - Drop down through the roof in Broadcast and kill 2 or more players within 20 seconds of landing.

Virus Buster - Remove over 100 items inside an enemies ICE wall with the ICE scan.

Street Sweeper - Kill 5 enemies and travel over 40 yards with continuous fire from the Minigun.

The Axe Effect - Kill 5 enemies attempting to kill you with melee.

Knockin' Your Fat Head - Achieve 5 Heavy headshots.

The Bigger They Are... - Get a +5 Frag.

WILD N' Dirty - Get a headshot after legboosting into the air and spinning all the way around.

They Don't See The Real Me... - Accumulate over 200,000 points of energy used in Stealth.

Don't Fear The Reaper - Accumulate over 15,000 deaths

Locked and Reloading - Kill 10 players while reloading the Shotgun.

Samurai Legend - Gain the most frags with the katana as a single class and be ahead of the second place person with over 10 kills.

Shuffling Swordsman - Kill 20 players with the sideswipe.

Highlander - Be the first person to become the top scorer and stay at the top in both kills and points by the rounds end.

THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE! - Kill someone attempting the Highlander achievement and take it for yourself.

Itsa me! Luigi! Gain over 20 Goomba kills as a light.

Itsa me! Mario! Gain over 30 Gomma Kills as a medium.

POWER STOMP - Gain over 15 Goomba Kills as a Heavy.

Heavy Weight Champion of the World! - Gain the most kills with the Phist in a round on every official map.

Blue Screen of Death - Deck out an enemy decker who has trapped himself inside of your ICE wall.

Explosive Finale! - Finish a round of Fortress by cortexing the Data Stores at the end.

Have a Seat! - Hit an enemy player with a chair and kill them.

Don't be Shelf-ish - Kill an enemy player by hitting a shelf at them.

I DON'T THINK SO SISTAH! - Kill an enemy that is cortexing with your own cortex.

Suicide Helpline - Heal a teammate and stop them from cortexing in the vicinity of your team.

Wakka Wakka Wakka - Eat over 10 Cyber Crystals.

Energizer - Give a Crystal to an ally and have it recover their energy completely.

Jack of all Trades - Get a kill with every weapon in one round.

Demolitionist - Get a kill with a spider mine, nade, and an emp in one round.

Stalker - Move towards an enemy for 5 seconds without being shot or seen by his team. Then kill him.

Kill Stealer - In one round, make 15 kills in which each of those kills was made by doing less then half damage to the player.

Blind Luck - Make 10 kills without seeing a player, and not having seen him/her since their latest spawn.

Duelist: Kill 30 smartlock users with smartlocks. (Global)

Old-fashioned: During a round, score only katana kills on katana users.

Phisticuffs: Kill 3 heavies in a round with the phist.

Insult to injury: Score a MP kill on someone you are dominating. (If there's gonna be dominations)

What makes me a good demoman?: Destroy 30 enemy turrets in meatspace. (Global)

Bomb has been defused: Stop the countdown on silo.

Rotten to the core: Destroy the final Obj in Vaccine

Counter Strike: Back-hack 10 Obj's (Global)

Team Fortress As punks, win Fortress in under 7 minutes. (too easy?)

be_dust: Vaporize 30 enemies in a round. (Ion achieve)

First Blood (aka early bird) - Be the first person in a round to score a kill. (it'd be cool in pubs cuz it would happen alot)

Damage INC. - Use only explosive weapons for an entire round.

Triple-Double - Get 2 kills within 2 seconds with 2 different weapons.

Hats off - Nothing but head shots for an entire round.

Backstabber - Nothing but stealth kills for an entire round.

Wallhacks - Get 3 kills in a row with swt turned on. (or with a TAC scan within 5 seconds of each kill)

Speedy McSpeedhax - Speed consistently above set run speed. (uses wall-run etc)

Nurse Nancy - Heal 3 different people within 30 seconds.

What's worse then a Rickroll?: Deck someone out using Green ICE. (Would be one of the easy "Beginner achievements)

Blaxploitation: Deck 3 people out in one round using the Shaft. (Maybe too easy)

Hadouken!: Deck 2 players out with one projectile (So I'll make this one a bit difficult)

Recurring Character: Become a top 2000 player (simple as pie now, but when there are more players...)

Side-Story: Become a top 1000 player

Dystopian Legend: Attain a top 100 status.

And don't make a mess! - Deal 400 Damage with a single grenade

Party Pooper - Kill an enemy immediately after he taunted

Catholic Information Flow -

   * Smash all datastores on Assemble.
   * Destroy the Core on Vaccine
   * Destroy the Broadcast Server (and Router)
   * Smash all the Data Stores on Fortress 

Sympathy for the Devil - Switch Teams within 5 Seconds after they turn unbalanced

Slingshot Plane Award - Reach 400 Movement Speed with a Heavy (can be adjusted, not sure what the current speedmax is for a heavy bhopping down the ramp on fortress)

Appropiate Measures - Bring an enemy to atleast -100 HP (basically Ioning or rocketing an enemy that is low on health)

Mutually Assured Destruction - Kill 20 enemies within 1 second of having died yourself.

Bruderchen tanz mit mir! - Kill 10 enemies that have the identical implant loadout as you do

Sting like Hamster, Float like Garbil - Kill 3 enemies with a single Smartlock Clip

the Last Stand - Kill 4 enemies while being on 10 or lower hp

Fuck Automation! - Destroy 20 Turrets while they're actively acquiring a target

ALL ME- kill the entire opposing team in 1 life by yourself during a 5v5 (match environment)

Ya I spawn camp-kill the entire opposing team in 1 life by yourself during a 8v8

Early Bird Special: Score the first objective of the map as a heavy.

My fist, Your Ass: Kill 1337 lights with the heavy's phist.

Star-Trek Blooper: Get killed by a door.

Samurai Jack: Be a light with a Cyberdeck and win the round outnumbered 6 to 1 I like fatties: Melee 1337 heavies.

Blindfolded: Kill someone while blinded by an admin or with your comp's monitor off.

lolpwnt: Kill more than 3 people with the alternate fire

Surgeon General: TK 5 people you were healing with a katana

ALLAH ACKBAR!: Get 1337 cortex kills.

Hax.... Kill a stealthed light that just EMP'd you, while still EMP'd.

Hax2.... Kill a Cold-Suited Enemy with Thermals on.

Hired Assassin: Get the round award for "Most kills with Stealthed" 10 times.

Whole Lotta Woman: Get the "Rocket Queen" award 10 times (Rocket Queens for most rocket kills)

Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind: Kill 30 enemies without them being on your screen.

Cyber Dominion: Deck out and servive in cyber warfare against three or more enemy deckers by yourself.

That Sinking Feeling: Kill an enemy player and have them fall into the water.

Low Bandwidth: Deck out 5 enemy deckers while in the cyber tubes.

Fried Nerves: EMP 5 enemy players attempting to legboost or reload and deactivate their legboosters or wired reflexes.

Shell Shocker: Completely strip an enemy Heavy of all their armor in one hit.

Shell Shocked: Get hit directly with a tesla ball and stop it from damaging any team mates.

HOME RUN!: Kill an enemy player and knock their body over 50 yards away.

Speed Daemon: Reach over 700 velocity in cyberspace (or whatever is really, really fast)

Ghost Writer: Stealth deck an objective while two or more enemy players are near by.

Console Cowboy: Hit two or more enemy deckers with the projectile.

Overclocker: Kill 5 enemy deckers by dumpshocking them.

Little Johnny Reconny: Find over 1500 targets with the TAC Scanner.

Big John Recon: FInd over 3000 targets with the TAC Scanner.

Pure Angry Rage: Make Lez use mic after you killed him.

Cold Luck: kill cold suited enemy with thermals on.

Dev Hunter: kill 10 team-dystopia devs

[QQ]PEWPEWPEW[/QQ] : make person quit after you killed him with LR

Matador: Kill 3 Heavies with katana in single life.

I was raped!: Make Zero-Flame use /me <3 against you.

Download Paused: Deck out an enemy decker who is in the middle of installing a program.

Connection Lost: Stop an enemy decker midair with the projectile (and maybe deck them out?)

404: Not Found - Deck out an enemy decker that was originally a target of an ally (a cyber kill steal)

Rock, Paper, Scissors. PHIST!: As a Heavy, kill three or more enemy players attemping to kill you in melee.

X Marks The Spot: Hit 5 Corp Mediums directly in the center of that mark on their heads.

These Boots Are Made For Walking: Travel over 10,000 feet with the leg boosters run mode activated.

Excalibur: Destroy a rocket midair with your katana and live.

Low Quality Goods: Shoot a Heavies rocket out of the air and have it blow up in the Heavies face, killing it.

The One: Stop 20 enemy projectiles with your own projectiles.

Fatal System Error: Kill a Heavy with the EMP.

Last One Standing: Be the last person alive on your team and survive long enough for your entire team to spawn.

Corrections Officer: Kill over 30 Punk Lights as a Corp Medium.

Juvenile Delinquint: Kill over 30 Corp Mediums as a Punk Light.

This Town Ain't Big Enough: Kill over 50 smartlock users with the smartlocks.

Scatter Brain: EMP 10 enemy players in the process of cortexing.

Cyber Guard : Kill 10 enemy deckers while they're decked in.

Cyber Security : Kill 100 enemy deckers while they're decked in.

Division 9 : Kill 1,000 enemy deckers while they're decked in.

Cyber Hitman : Kill 10 enemy deckers while you're cloaked and while they're decked in.

Cyber Assassin : Kill 100 enemy deckers while you're cloaked and while they're decked in. Cyber Ninja : Kill 1,000 enemy deckers while you're cloaked and while they're decked in.

Slaying the Hydra : Decapitate an enemy decker with the Katana while they're decked in.

Brain Surgeon : Decapitate an enemy decker with the Heavy Fist while they're decked in.

Cipher : Kill an enemy decker with Tesla Rifle primary while they're decked in.

Overload : Kill an enemy decker with Tesla Rifle Secondary while they're decked in.

Arachnophobia : Kill an enemy decker with a Spider Mine while they're decked in.

Deck This! : Kill an enemy decker with Smartlock Pistol while they're decked in.

Sculptor : Kill an enemy decker with Basilisk while they're decked in.

Meeting of the Minds : Kill an enemy decker with Cortex Bomb while they're decked in.

Fatal Error : Kill an enemy decker by triggering their Cortex Bomb while they're decked in.

Wake up! It's time to die! : Kill an enemy decker within 15 seconds of them decking out.

Deck Jockey: Spend at least 50% of the round decked in.

Cyber Junkie : Spend at least 60% of the round decked in.

There is no spoon! : Spend at least 70% of the round decked in.

My name is Neo! : Defeat an enemy decker while you have less then 10 energy.

HSE (Heavy Shrapnel Explosive) : Kill an enemy player with Cortex blast as a Heavy.

See no Evil, Hear no Evil : Kill 100 enemy players with both Cloak and Sound Suppressor activated.

Never saw it coming : Kill 100 enemy players with both Cloak and Cold Suit activated.

Ghost : Kill 100 enemy players with Cloak, Cold Suit & Sound Suppressor all active.

Yippie-Ki-Yay Mother*#$%er!! : Kill at least 5 enemy players with a single Cortex Bomb blast.

Big Mistake! : Kill at least 5 enemy players by triggering an enemy's Cortex Bomb.

Webcam - Deck out and within 2 seconds get a kill.

Jihad! - kill 3 or more enemy players as well as yourself with a frag grenade.

Noobtube- Play a whole round using only GL

Aircut - Kill a fully-clocked player with Katana

New challenger - Kill a player that got Weapon: Fatman Fist award in previous round and take it for yourself.

Defending Champion Belt - Got Weapon: Fatman Fist award in previous round. Then kill 3 enemy Heavy that have Fatman Fist equipped and still get Weapon: Fatman Fist award.

Speed of Light(s) - With you and 5 other team member as Light,take second objective in less than a minute.

Pitmaster - Send 4 enemy falling down to death all at once in dys_silo.

Personal - Deck out a enemy decker and then kill him in meatspace in 30 seconds.

Personal Part-2 - Dumpshock-Kill a enemy who you just hurt him in meatspace under 50 seconds.

BRB - While decking, deck out and kill someone in meatspace then deck in to complete JIP objective in 15 seconds.

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